I have only just recently come out of a pretty dark place. I felt as though I didn’t even have the energy to just exist day to day moment to moment. It was a place where I could not even empathize with the pain I would leave behind if I were to just quit. Oh, I knew it logically, but had trouble actually identifying with it.
Sometimes, I would cry and other times I felt too smothered by it all to be able to do even that. And to try to express it to anyone was nearly impossible, because if I tried I would become too overwhelmed to continue. I don’t know if you have ever been depressed, but it’s a pretty lonely place. You don’t know how to share your thoughts and feelings. It all seems too small compared to the pain that is dragging you under.
I hope you never experience it. I hope that if you do experience it and can’t yet talk to somebody in detail that you will at least let them know that you are hurting. And then begin to write whatever comes to mind. I know some of you think this wouldn’t work for you. Just try it and see. It will open up so much that you didn’t realize you were thinking or feeling. Sometimes, you even find that you knew the solution all along.
Maybe like me, you need permission from someone you respect to take that first step out of the darkness. Stop punishing yourself. Stop feeling the weight of guilt that may or may not be yours.
Guilt isn’t meant to hold us down. It is meant to be a catalyst for change. Remember also that the Lord is with us, and when we allow Him in, He will see us through it all.
Think of those who we have heard about that have been through so much that you wonder at them still being here. I ask you to remember the hope and strength that their stories have given to us and to imagine how your pain and your sorrow, can be that hope and strength for someone else.
Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.